"Baby, Are You Down, Down, Down?" - Jay Sean

*sigh* I am feeling down today.


Besides the fact that my most notorious class just renewed their contract with me (grrr!!)...

Mom made me read something that reminded me of a slightly huge problem I might (most probably will) in the future, if things go according to plan...

I mean, I know all that already, it's just that I've pushed the whole thing at the back of my head, hoping things would turn out for the better...

If I would put things into a complete stop, I would very much go insane again... And I would probably do things a lot worse, for me to cope with the misery...

I couldn't do that... Tried it a lot of times, I just really couldn't... And besides, I wouldn't want to go back to the black pit of despair and lose all sense of reality AGAIN... If Mommy only knew the things I did before, until I recovered......

*sigh*

I know what I read was right, even though it was downright harsh and frank... but... look, if things in the past worked out just fine, I wouldn't have to deal with this... but unfortunately, it didn't, so... Whatever. This is the new me, dealing with my present and future, even though it is a complicated arrangement.


I do hope things turn out for the better, if not for the best. I know things don't turn out to be perfect but, I do hope they turn out okay in the end.


Hope this gloomy feeling doesn't last long.

XOXO